I think I have an Anxiety Disorder... please help....?

I don't know what to do anymore. It's completely irrational! I do care to an extent about what people think of me, and I definitely don't want to embarr myself... but this is too much. Whenever someone looks at me, I flinch and my eyes start watering up. Then, since I am afraid people will notice my watery eyes, I start blushing. Then, I am afraid people will notice me blushing, and I blush redder, until my entire face is really hot, and THEN my face gets sweaty. It's disgusting! And it is driving me crazy! I can't even make eye-contact with people, I hate being the center of attention, I just want to be left alone. But, at the same time... I love people. I find them really interesting, and love having debates and verbal exchanges with them. Plus, I really care about people in general. So, cutting myself off from them to spare myself this humiliation, as well as extreme and irrational feelings of terror... it just depresses me. So, now I am wondering if I have depression as well. I really think I would be better off dead. What is the point of anything? I can never live up to my own standards, or anyone else's, so why try? I won't stop trying, though... I'm very stubborn... but I need help. Badly. I have already attempted suicide once, and I am not trying to get attention by saying this, I am just trying to explain just how serious this problem is. My parents say that if I want medication, I have to buy it myself. They refuse to take me to the doctor to be diagnosed, and I don't even KNOW what kind of medication I need. So, I was wondering if there are any foods/fruits/herbs that people generally have in their homes, that might be able to help me. I already know about relaxation techniques, but they don't seem to work. I can hardly even sleep at night, I'm just always so tense. I'm super wired, but at the same time I am exhausted. I am sore, and shaky, and dizzy, and my head just feels like it is in a haze most of the time. What do I do? I don't want advice like, relax. Or, figure out what is bothering you. I have tried both methods. I would like to know what I should eat, or take. I would prefer natural solutions, though. I think synthesized medication hurts almost as much as it helps. Just... can anyone help me? Please?